I don't care if a reader hates one of my stories, just as long as he finishes the book.

A Message to Children Who Have Read This Book - When you grow up and have children of your own, do please remember something important: a stodgy parent is no fun at all. What a child wants and deserves is a parent who is SPARKY.

Sex is like nose picking. It's fine as long as you practice it yourself, but it's disgusting watching someone else doing it.

There's nothin' you can get from a book that you can't get from a television fastah!" -Harry Wormwood

The cuss am I? Are you cussing with me?

It was slowly beginning to dawn upon Henry that nothing is any fun if you can get as much of it as you want. Especially money.

...the more risks you allow children to take, the better they learn to take care of themselves. If you never let them take any risks, then I believe they become very prone to injury. Boys should be allowed to climb tall trees and walk along the tops of high walls and dive into the sea from high rocks... The same with girls. I like the type of child who takes risks. Better by far than the one who never does so.