If you're going to steal a car, don't steal a mail vehicle. They don't mess around. I mean, have fun, steal all the cars you want, but don't steal a U.S. Mail vehicle.

People always say, "When did you know you were funny?" They don't mean that in a bad way - this already makes me sound like such a jerk.

That's a very nice, generic-sounding question: "When did you know you were funny?" But it pre-supposes that I think I'm really hilarious. So that's kind of a loaded question.

There was actually some serious time in front of the mirror, checking yourself out, checking out your shirt, checking out your pants.Combing that hair. Really putting some thought and effort behind it and it's astounding how terrible I used to make myself look. Still to this day I don't really know how to dress myself.

I've seen Jaws [movie], like, 800 times. And I love it.

That's a weird way to torture yourself. Just watch a movie, over and over, that you hate. That's really funny - that's probably exactly what hell is like.

I have a thing that I do when I meet famous people where I try to play it really cool. Sometimes I pretend like I don't know them.I was at this party and James Bond was there. Daniel Craig, but I think he goes by James Bond. Anyway, my wife is in love with him. He was in a tuxedo looking all James Bondish.