Don't ever use duct tape on your privates. That's what I always tell people.

That's a weird way to torture yourself. Just watch a movie, over and over, that you hate. That's really funny - that's probably exactly what hell is like.

Most monuments are not something you're going to keep me out of. And I go to a lot of monuments.

One of the first TV shows that I did was this prank show. And we did a prank where we took a Michael Jackson impersonator and I played his publisher.I was just really good at my job.We were just about to go onto the field to throw out the first pitch just two weeks after 9\11. It was a huge security breach, and we made a lot of cops look really dumb. Producers of the show thought it would be really funny and I didn't think about it because I was a young dumb comedian. So I got arrested and went to jail in the Bronx, and now I can never go back to Yankee Stadium.

We just haven't found Bigfoot because the world is big. And the woods are deep. The more TV shows that we can get where people go out looking for Bigfoot, the better our chances are. So let's get more of those shows going.

I've gotten to go to a lot of places that I never would have been able to go and been able to meet a lot of people. And every now and then you'll be doing something and you're like, "I can't believe I get to do this."

Paul McCartney chit-chats with you, he makes eye contact with you, he seems really interested in what you're saying. He really puts everyone else at ease and makes them feel good so they're not nervous, which I think is really cool.