In Wilson's scale of evaluations breakfast rated just after life itself and ahead of the chance of immortality.

A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.

Don't ever become a pessimist... a pessimist is correct oftener than an optimist, but an optimist has more fun, and neither can stop the march of events.

A fool cannot be protected from his folly. If you attempt to do so, you will not only arouse his animosity but also you will be attempting to deprive him of whatever benefit he is capable of deriving from experience. Never attempt to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and annoys the pig.

Humoring them costs nothing and adds to happiness in a world in which happiness is always in short supply.

A boy who gets a C- in 'Appreciation of Television' can't be all bad.

An animal so poor in spirit that he won't even fight on his own behalf is already an evolutionary dead end; the best he can do for his breed is to crawl off and die, and not pass on his defective genes.