If there be no God, then what is truth but the average of all lies.

I tell my child, if I seem obsessed to always know where you've been, it is because my DNA will be found at the scene.

A holiday cocktail party is where some stranger will learn more about you in an hour than your spouse has learned in a lifetime.

What a blessing to be alone with your thoughts when so many are alone with their inability to think.

According to science, the universe began as a swirl of gas that, as it cooled, spun off the Ten Commandments.

O, how much simpler things would be If eyes could paint or brush could see.

If you could eavesdrop on everything said about you, you'd spend most of your time waiting for the subject to come up.