Someday a computer will give a wrong answer to spare someone's feelings, and man will have invented artificial intelligence.

I was once a skeptic but was converted by the two missionaries on either side of my nose.

You never have a friend all figured out. Just when you think you know what makes them tick, they tock.

Shall I redirect my life's journey because down some side road might be some trifle I'm entitled to?

After a lifetime of deep thought, I've decided that life is a distraction, but probably not from anything important.

Man is the only animal who enjoys the consolation of believing in a next life; all other animals enjoy the consolation of not worrying about it.

I am not your dog, but if every time you saw me, you gave me a backrub, I would run to greet you, too.