Once an absurdity is accepted as truth, it will seem truer the more absurd it is shown to be.

Through sources, we have obtained the following alien assessment of the human species: The male wants to be valued for what he pretends to be. The female wants to be overvalued for what she truly is.

Sometimes I think my life would make a great TV movie. It even has the part where they say, "Stand by. We are experiencing temporary difficulties.

I'm right-handed, whereas the fellow in my mirror is left-handed

While I find that I can keep my nose out of other people's business, I do have a curiosity as to their non-business activities.

An optimist is someone who figures that if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's the bluebird of happiness.

Though we often wonder why God does what he does, we can be sure he does it on better information.