If it sounds good as you say it, likely as not it'll sound good when an actor's saying it.
Seeing does not always believe.
Most screenplays, most motion pictures, owe much more to the screenplay. Ingmar Bergman has such an economy of language, so little language in his piece, it is so visual, his moods are introduced and buttressed by camera rather than by word or character. But again, that's unique.
There is nothing in the dark that isn't there when the lights are on.
Ideas are born from what is smelled, heard, seen, experienced, felt, emotionalized.
Hollywood's a great place to live... if you're a grapefruit.