Racial relations in this country are plummeting. Racial strife is rising. All the while, Obama is out there talking about unity and bringing us together.

Do you realize, when Mandela was inaugurated president, he invited as his special guests the white jailers from his Robben Island prison? He literally did forgive everybody.

I've got the greatest line in the world about the pope coming out in favor of contraception, and I don't dare use it. I don't even dare hint getting close because the moment you understand it, I'm in trouble. So it's something I've gotta contain and avoid bursting and so forth, and now you're frustrated because I've teased you with it.

I'm a member of the media. I'm America's Anchorman.

You know, I'm the mayor of Realville. I'm Mr. Literal. And I never saw the benefit of complaining and whining and moaning. I don't complain and whine and moan anyway, and I don't deal well with people that do. I don't know how to react to complaining, other than say, "Oh, gee, I'm sorry." I don't know how to react to whining and moaning. It kind of bothers me. So I don't do it myself. Lord knows, I got all kinds of things. I could spend the rest of this week whining and moaning if you wanted me to about things. I just don't.

The Catholic Church spends a lot of time in very poor countries trying to recruit and spread the Gospel. Let me put it that way: The pope is simply saying...? Has he ever said that Mao Tse-tung, that Fidel Castro, that Raul Castro, any other communist is not a Christian? Why Donald Trump? 'Cause Trump wants to build a wall?

Hillary Clinton has been The Smartest Woman in the World in her circle since 1970 when she went away to college.