Now scarcely a week goes by without a news story about the cops swooping down on some adolescent prowler who is as skilled at breaking into computer systems as defense contractors are at breaking into the Federal budget.

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.

Research is a scientific activity dedicated to discovering what makes grass green.

Skins tanned to the consistency of well-traveled alligator suitcases.

The French fried potato has become an inescapable horror in almost every public eating place in the country. 'French fries', say the menus, but they are not French fries any longer. They are a furry-textured substance with the taste of plastic wood.

An educated person is one who has learned that information almost always turns out to be at best incomplete and very often false, misleading, fictitious, mendacious - just dead wrong.

The best advice I can give anybody about going out into the world is this: Don't do it. I have been out there. It is a mess....