A man doesn't amount to something because he has been successful at a third-rate career like journalism. It is evidence, that's all: evidence that if he buckled down and worked hard, he might some day do something really worth doing.

People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.

Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.

Inanimate objects can be classified scientifically into three major categories: those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost.

My natural instinct after doing something shameful is not to rush into the street boasting about it but to put on dark glasses and head for the next county, hoping nobody notices I've been in the neighborhood.

Anything that isn't opposed by about 40 percent of humanity is either an evil business or so unimportant that it simply doesn't matter.

A day spent praising the earth and lamenting man's pollutionist history makes you feel like a superior, sensitive soul.