You must not feel persecuted and examined. Liberate yourself from the idea that people are watching you.

When I first became famous in the United Kingdom it was helpful because it meant there wasn't a spite of 'this bloke's a drug addict,' 'this bloke f**ks all these women' because I was just making jokes about all those things already, so it made me some kind of incorruptible indefatigable, indestructible force.

And while we're on the subject of ducks, which we plainly are, the story, 'The Ugly Duckling' ought be banned as the central character wasn't a duckling or he wouldn't have grown up into a swan. He was a cygnet.

Imagining the overthrow of the current political system is the only way I can be enthused about politics.

Addiction is a serious desease; it will end with jail, mental institutions or death.

In England, we have such good manners that if someone says something impolite, the police will get involved.

Normally, I'm good at first dates, 'cause that's the only date I ever have, so I know how to control it and be confident.