A farm is an irregular patch of nettles bounded by short-term notes, containing a fool and his wife who didn't know enough to stay in the city.

The fact is that all of us have only one personality, and we wring it out like a dishtowel. You are what you are.

Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin - it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.

He bit his lip in a manner which immediately awakened my maternal sympathy, and I helped him bite it.

One stifling summer afternoon last August, in the attic of a tiny stone house in Pennsylvania, I made a most interesting discovery: the shortest, cheapest method of inducing a nervous breakdown ever perfected. In this technique..., the subject is placed in a sharply sloping attic heated to 340 F and given a mothproof closet known as the Jiffy-Cloz to assemble.

There is something about a home aquarium which sets my teeth on edge the moment I see it. Why anyone would want to live with a small container of stagnant water populated by a half-dead guppy is beyond me.

The dubious privilege of a freelance writer is he’s given the freedom to starve anywhere.