The main obligation is to amuse yourself.

Where would the Rockefellers be today if old John D. had gone on selling short-weight kerosene ... to widows and orphans instead of wisely deciding to mulct the whole country.

I'm half Scotch-Irish on both sides, and when I lose my temper-brother, I go.

Do you know anything at all that nobody else knows or, for that matter, gives a damn about? If you do, then sit tight, because one of these days you're going to Hollywood as a technical supervisor on a million dollar movie.

I loathe writing. On the other hand I'm a great believer in money.

Love is not the dying moan of a distant violin - it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.

Nature, it appears, has been rather more bountiful to Paul's body and purse than to his intellect; above the ears, speaking bluntly, the boy is strictly tapioca.