One stifling summer afternoon last August, in the attic of a tiny stone house in Pennsylvania, I made a most interesting discovery: the shortest, cheapest method of inducing a nervous breakdown ever perfected. In this technique..., the subject is placed in a sharply sloping attic heated to 340 F and given a mothproof closet known as the Jiffy-Cloz to assemble.
S. J. PerelmanA basic ingredient in the manufacture of perfume, the attar-a heavy, pale-yellow oil stored in small metal drums-had been put up as collateral by Bulgaria, in lieu of gold, at the Moscow Narodny Bank, a Communist finance house for East-West trade.
S. J. PerelmanI tried to resist his overtures, but he plied me with symphonies, quartets, chamber music, and cantatas.
S. J. PerelmanTomatoes and squash never fail to reach maturity. You can spray them with acid, beat them with sticks and burn them; they love it.
S. J. PerelmanAll right, so call me Miss Cliche of 1960, but the thing about the married ones that always spooks me is how sweet and attentive they are at first, when they're on the prowl.
S. J. Perelman