People in general are equally horrified at hearing the Christian religion doubted, and at seeing it practiced.

Sensible people get the greater part of their own dying done during their own lifetime

They say the test of literary power is whether a man can write an inscription. I say, "Can he name a kitten?"

Christ and The Church: If he were to apply for a divorce on the grounds of cruelty, adultery and desertion, he would probably get one.

When you've told someone that you've left them a legacy the only decent thing to do is to die at once.

The history of art is the history of revivals.

A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those worth committing.