When the water of a place is bad it is safest to drink none that has not been filtered through either the berry of a grape, or else a tub of malt. These are the most reliable filters yet invented.

Man, unlike the animals, has never learned that the sole purpose of life is to enjoy it.

They say the test of [literary power] is whether a man can write an inscription. I say, "Can he name a kitten?" And by this test I am condemned, for I cannot.

Adversity, if a man is set down to it by degrees, is more supportable with equanimity by most people than any great prosperity arrived at in a single lifetime.

If a man knows not life which he hath seen, how shall he know death, which he hath not seen?

Spare the rod and spoil the child.

Justice is my being allowed to do whatever I like. Injustice is whatever prevents my doing so.