When the water of a place is bad it is safest to drink none that has not been filtered through either the berry of a grape, or else a tub of malt. These are the most reliable filters yet invented.

There should be asylums for habitual teetotalers, but they would probably relapse into teetotalism as soon as they got out.

He was born stupid, and greatly increased his birthright.

The wish to spread those opinions that we hold conducive to our own welfare is so deeply rooted in the English character that few of us can escape its influence.

Our own death is a premium which we must pay for the far greater benefit we have derived from the fact that so many people have not only lived but also died before us.

Whatsoever we perpetrate, we do but row; we are steered by fate.

The only absolute morality is absolute stagnation.