...if you expect people to try to do things your way, you're going to have to give some hints as to what that way is.

I hate this bizarre policy of protective exclusion, because it effectively writes me off the page.

I'm truly grateful for my microwave, which allows me to easily clarify butter, steam vegetables, and - when I am really lazy - feed my three kids in less than five minutes.

Keeping up the appearance of having all your marbles is hard work, but important.

Sometimes I think if I had to choose between an ear of corn or making love to a woman, I'd choose the corn.

How hard can it be to find a girl and an elephant for Christ's sake?

Even when I look straight into the milky blue eyes I can't find myself any more. When did I stop being me?