Even as your body betrays you, your mind denies it.

I'm truly grateful for my microwave, which allows me to easily clarify butter, steam vegetables, and - when I am really lazy - feed my three kids in less than five minutes.

Must protect my little pockets of happiness.

Don't want to get tipsy and break a hip.

Sometimes I think if I had to choose between an ear of corn or making love to a woman, I'd choose the corn.

What else do I have to offer? Nothing happens to me anymore. That’s the reality of getting old, and I guess that’s really the crux of the matter. I’m not ready to be old yet.

Jacob: I've never seen so much manure. Wade: Baggage stock horses. They pack'em in 27 a car. Jacob: how do you stand the smell? Wade: what smell?