In the summer, the days were long, stretching into each other. Out of school, everything was on pause and yet happening at the same time, this collection of weeks when anything was possible.

He wasn't what I'd thought he was; maybe he never had been. I wasn't what I'd thought I was, either.

That was the thing. You never got used to it, the idea of someone being gone. Just when you think it's reconciled, accepted, someone points it out to you, and it just hits you all over again, that shocking.

Life's too short to worry about the little things. Enjoy what you have today, not what you might get tomorrow

So this had been all I wanted, a boy who understood how I felt. Now, though, I sometimes wished for more.

Still, there was also was something reassuring about working for Commercial, almost hopeful. Like things that were lost could be found again. As we drove away, I always tried to imagine what it would be like to open your door to find something you had given up on.

When you can't save yourself or your heart, it helps to be able to save face.