I would have thought this would make me feel better.. getting to be the one to leave and not the one left behind. But it didn't. Not at all.
Sarah DessenThere comes a point when things are undeniable and can't be hidden any longer. Even from yourself.
Sarah Dessen"I thought this was a cookout. You know, dogs and burgers, Tater Tots, ambrosia salad" Dexter picked up a box of Twinkies, tossing them into the cart. "And Twinkies." "It is... Except that it's a cookout thrown by my mother." "And?" "And my mother doesn't cook." He looked at me waiting. "At all. My mother doesn't cook at all." "She must cook sometimes." "Nope." "Everyone can make scrambled eggs, Remy. It's programmed into you at birth, the default setting. Like being able to swim and knowing not to mix pickles with oatmeal. You just KNOW."
Sarah DessenIf something doesn't work exactly right, or maybe needs some special treatment, you don't just throw it away. Everything can't be fully operational all the time. Sometimes, we need to have the patience to give something the little nudge it needs.
Sarah DessenBut even more so, it reminded me that this was all really happening. Stanford. The end of the summer. The beginning of my real life. It was no longer just creeping up, peeking over the horizon, but instead lingering in plain sight.
Sarah DessenAnd that was as far as he got before i heard it. The thumping of footsteps, running up the lawn toward me: It seemed like I could hear it through the grass, like leaning your ear to a railroad track and feeling the train coming, miles away. As the noise got closer I could hear ragged breaths, and then a voice. It was my mother.
Sarah DessenTotal commitment. You know, the idea of discovering something that, for all intents and purposes, goes against your abilities, and yet still deciding to do it anyway. That takes guts, you know?
Sarah DessenLike a blinking cursor on an empty page, it was just the first thing. The beginning of the beginning. But at least it was done.
Sarah DessenOdd how it was so easy for a stranger to assume such familiarity. Especially when those who were supposed to know you best often didn't, not at all.
Sarah DessenThe past did affect the present and the future, in ways you could see and a million ones you couldn't. Time wasn't a thing you could divide easily; there was no defined middle or beginning or end. I could pretend to leave the past behind, but it would not leave me.
Sarah DessenIt's all about you, Colie." She touched one finger to her temple, tap tap tap. "Believe in yourself up here and it will make you stronger than you could ever imagine." There is something infectious about confidence. And for that one moment, with my eyebrows burning and my eyes watering, I believed. "And good hair never hurt either.
Sarah DessenReally? Screaming?โ He shrugged. โIt wasnโt that bad. But there were definitely some freak-outs on both sides. Though, to be honest, the silence was worse.โ โWorse than screaming?โ I said. โMuch,โ he said, nodding. โI mean, at least with an argument, you know whatโs happening. Or have some idea. Silence isโฆ it could be anything. Itโs just โโ โSo freaking loud,โ I finished for him. He pointed at me. โExactly.
Sarah DessenShe stroked my hair and told me I was beautiful, but I was old enough by then to know not to believe it anymore.
Sarah DessenWhether it was a song, a person, or a story, there was a lot you couldnโt know from just an excerpt, a glance, or part of a chorus.
Sarah DessenThe first thing I did when I got inside was turn on the kitchen light. Then I moved to the table, putting my dad's iPod on the speaker dock, and a Bob Dylan song came on, the notes familiar. I went into the living room, hitting the switch there, then down the hallway to my room, where I did the same. It was amazing what a little noise and brightness could do to a house and a life, how much the smallest bit of each could change everything. After all these years of just passing through, I was beginning to finally feel at home.
Sarah DessenI realized how truly hard it was, really, to see someone you love change right before your eyes. Not only is it scary, it throws your balance off as well.
Sarah DessenI have SO many books I didn't sell. Some my agent rejected outright, others made it all the way to my editor to be turned away. Not everything is a winner, which is tough when you've devoted eight or nine months of your life to something.
Sarah DessenAnd so, while the rest of the world went on unaware, drinking their coffee, reading the sports page, and picking up their dry cleaning, I leaned forward and kissed Dexter, making a choice that would change everything. Maybe somewhere there was a ripple, a bit of jump, some small shift in the universe, barely noticeable. I didnโt feel it then. I felt only him kissing me back, easing me into the sunlight as I lost myself in the taste of him and felt the world go on, just as it always had, all around us.
Sarah DessenHe wasn't what I'd thought he was; maybe he never had been. I wasn't what I'd thought I was, either.
Sarah Dessen[Adam picks up the camera] "I have to get a shot of this." The reaction in the room was swift, and unanimous: every single person except me raised their hands at once to cover their faces. The accompanying utterances, though, were varied. I heard everything from "Please no" (Maggie), to "Jesus Christ" (Wallace), to "Stop it or die" (I'm assuming it's obvious).
Sarah DessenWhenever something great happens, youโre always kind of poised for the universe to correct itself.
Sarah DessenAnyone can hide. Facing up to things, working through them, that's what makes you strong.
Sarah DessenNot everything's perfect, especially in the beginning. And its all right to have a little bit of regret every once in a while. It's when you feel it all the time and can't do anything about it... that's when you get into trouble
Sarah DessenIt seemed like this day could go in so many directions, like a spiderweb shooting out toward endless possibilities.
Sarah DessenAnd no relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater.
Sarah DessenYou can't just plan a moment when things get back on track, just as you can't plan the moment you lose your way in the first place.
Sarah DessenObviously it won't all run smoothly. But it's important to awknowledge that while we may make mistakes, in the long run, we may also learn fromt them.
Sarah DessenThe end of a wedding reception is always so depressing. And only the bride and groom are spared, jetting off into the sunset while the rest of us wake up the next morning to just another day.
Sarah DessenIn school, writing was the only thing that really came naturally to me, but it wasn't until college that I realized that I could do it for more than just fun.
Sarah DessenMaybe it was true, and being a girl could be about interest rates and skinny jeans, riding bikes and wearing pink. Not about any one thing, but everything.
Sarah DessenWe both know the limits of this relationship. It's understood. And as long as we're both comfortablewith that, nobody gets hurt. It's basic.
Sarah DessenAll I'd ever wanted was to forget. but even when I thought I had, pieces had kept emerging, like bits of wood floating up to the surface that only hint at the shipwreck below.
Sarah DessenAs I rolled over, stretching out, my only thought was to go back to the dream I'd been having, which I couldn't remember, other than that it had been good, in that distant, hopeful way unreal things can be.
Sarah DessenBut as was so often the case, it was the one person missing who you thought about more than the ones who were right in front of you.
Sarah DessenHome wasn't a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together.
Sarah DessenI'm sorry," I heard him say again. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a sudden blur of movement as he slid out of his seat, left some bills for the breakfast he wouldn't eat, and walked away. And as he did, I thought again of those mornings in the hallway at school, way back in ninth grade. Everything had started in such sharp detail, each aspect pronounced and clear. Obviously, endings were different. Harder to see, full of shapes that could be one thing or another, with all the things that you were once so sure of suddenly not familiar, if they were even recognizable at all.
Sarah Dessen