If I looked in the mirror someday and saw no dark circles under my eyes, I would probably look better. I just wouldn't look like me.

My audience is going to die before I do.

What are you hiding? No one ever asks that.

You know, it's always good to have a synonym just for variety.

The true American patriot is by definition skeptical of the government.

I hated the lost colony; in second grade, we were doing American History, and they said, We don't know what happened to them. That drove me nuts. That lost colony drove me crazy.

However, displayed right alongside all the Confederate flag paraphernalia is a bunch of American flag merch – American flag place mats, patriotic “body crystals,” flag stickers you attach to your skin. Personally, I’m small-minded and literal enough that I see the two symbols as contradictory, especially in a time of war. But I fear that the consumer who buys a Confederate flag coffee cup, which she will then put on her American flag place mat, is the sort of sophisticated thinker who is open-minded enough that she is capable of hating blacks and Arabs at the same time.