The secret to happiness is to find a congenial monotony.

Laughter tends to mock the pompous and the pretentious; all man's boastful gadding about, all his pretty pomps, his hoary customs, his wornout creeds, changing the glitter of them into the dullest hue of lead.

Money does not make you happy but it quiets the nerves.

There's no reason to bring religion into it. I think we ought to have as great a regard for religion as we can, so as to keep it out of as many things as possible.

There's nothing so passionate as a vested interest disguised as an intellectual conviction.

Nothing seems too high or low for the humorist; he is above honor, above faith, preserving sense in religion and sanity in life.

The secret to happiness is to find a congenial monotony.