In basic terms, civilization is dependent upon the spontaneity and fulfillment of the individual. Your civilization is in sad straits. Not because you are allowed spontaneity or fulfillment to individuals, but because you are denied it, and because your institutions are based upon that premise.
SethTake a chance on your own abilities clearly, neither exaggerating them nor under-assessing them.
SethIt's never too late to redefine self-control, to change long-ingrained habits, and to do the work you're capable of.
Seth