A friend tweeted me with 'The Big Freeze.' I don't know about that one. I've got to go home, play around with the kids and figure something out. I'll have one.

Kids can still call me Shaq, but adults should call me Dr. O'Neal.

I'm the NBA's best NFL player, and I've always been the sexiest 7-footer in the NBA - for 12 years running.

No one was there. Some teammates, huh? I guess they didn't want to get their lip busted like the gentleman I busted. Sorry for that sir.

That game was dedicated to Rick Adelman. I'm at home, in the bathroom, trying to take a dump, flipping through the channels and he's complaining (on TV) about how I'm stepping over the line. I can't even do a No. 2 in peace. I'm sitting there grunting at 12:30 at night. Can I go one day without somebody saying something negative about me?

I told Leonard, in the immortal words of Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible 2, 'I'm going on vacation. If I tell you where I'm going, then it won't be a vacation.'

It's over now. He said what he had to say, I said what I had to say. Don't play with me. Seriously, don't play with me.