I draw from my family and my friends and I feel like that small-town person. The achievements, the materialistic possessions have really become to mean less. They mean nothing.

I look at my hands and go, 'Hmm...what happened? Whose hands are those? Oh my God, they're mine'

My sister, she says she knows Elvis.

Don't the wounded bird still sing?

I propose a limitation be put on how many sqares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her God-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 to 3 could be required.

I'm still the king of me.

You're my favorite mistake