Fish have water, the bushmen of the Kalahari have sand, and Houstonians have interior décor.

I've served on five different juries, and many of them were bonkers in their own way.

Kind 'Guardian' readers have been forwarding me round robin Christmas newsletters for years now: lengthy missives full of perfect children, exotic holidays, talented pets and endless, tedious detail. The notes that accompanied them revealed they had inspired in the original recipients everything from mild irritation to absolute rage.

Disney World has acquired by now something of the air of a national shrine. American parents who don't take their children there sense obscurely that they have failed in some fundamental way, like Muslims who never made it to Mecca.

I know of no wars started by anyone to impose lack of religion on someone else.

Fish have water, the bushmen of the Kalahari have sand, and Houstonians have interior décor.

Seeing John Major govern the country is like watching Edward Scissorhands try to make balloon animals.