You have more people that love you than you know.

My objection to the church isn't that the preachers are cruel, hypocritical, actually wicked, though some of them are that, too - think of how many are arrested for selling fake stock, for seducing 14-year-old girls in orphanages under their care, for arson, for murder. An it isn't so much that the church is in bondage to Big Business and doctrines as laid down by millionaires - though a lot of churches are that, too. My chief objection is that 99% of sermons and Sunday School teachings are so agonizingly dull.

When audiences come to see us authors lecture, it is largely in the hope that we'll be funnier to look at than to read.

That nation is proudest and noblest and most exalted which has the greatest number of really great men.

A sensational event was changing from the brown suit to the gray the contents of his pockets. He was earnest about these objects. They were of eternal importance, like baseball or the Republican Party.

Pugnacity is a form of courage, but a very bad form.

When fascism comes to the United States it will be wrapped in the American flag and will claim the name of 100-percent Americanism