I hope to one day co-sign a lease with another person but, well, it doesn't plague me that I have yet to do so. Put it this way: I've never had to violently tug at my own pillow at 2 A.M. to get myself to stop snoring.

No affair that begins with such an orchestrated overture can end on a simple note.

I don't really think of my essays as being about myself. I know it sounds insane, but I just don't think of them as a memoir. They're essays; they're not an autobiography.

Life starts out with everyone clapping when you take a poo and goes downhill from there.

Out of all artists, authors are the least trained for the spotlight. Wanting attention isn't a requisite part of the package.

Brits and Americans have hundreds of different phrases for the same thing. Luckily, it's usually a source of amusement rather than frustration. A flashlight by any other name is still a torch. My personal favourite is 'fairy lights,' which we boringly refer to as 'Christmas lights.'

Our brains are like bonsai trees, growing around our private versions of reality.