Alaska is what happens when Willy Wonka and the witch from Hansel and Gretel elope, buy a place together upstate, renounce their sweet teeth, and turn into health fanatics.

Who do you have to sleep with to get laid in this town?

Air travel is the safest form of travel aside from walking; even then, the chances of being hit by a public bus at 30,000 feet are remarkably slim. I also have no problem with confined spaces. Or heights. What I am afraid of is speed.

You know what they say: 'Why sit at a table that doesn't have key lime pie on it if you don't have to?'

Unless you are a professional, you will find the tart to be a high-maintenance, unforgiving whistle-blower of a pastry.

When you spin a globe and point to a city and actually go to that city, you build an allowance of missed opportunities on the back end.

I love giving people advice on what to do with their books, but I don't really know how a Kindle Single gets covered.