Who do you have to sleep with to get laid in this town?

For a long time I wanted to draw, but I could never get the proportions right. My still life sketches were the artistic equivalent of someone who has misjudged the space constraints of a postcard, the handwriting shrinking uncomfortably at the bottom.

Kids across the country have grown up accepting the idea that no one can harm your family if at least one of its adult members is in the shower. No one knows why.

It is my belief that people who speak of high school with a sugary fondness are bluffing away early-onset Alzheimer's.

When you spin a globe and point to a city and actually go to that city, you build an allowance of missed opportunities on the back end.

I was the youngest of my entire family so you are tap-dancing to try to get the attention of your older cousins. I really hit my social stride in 6th grade, but before that I was a pretty big dork. You learn how to be amusing and how to work for it.

Yes. I am writing full-time. Which is strange. It feels like not having a job.