The reason I am thinking so far in advance is because school is terribly lonely. I think I've said that before, but it's getting harder every day.

I remembered this one time that I never told anybody about. The time we were walking. Just the three of us. I was in the middle. I don't remember where we were walking to or where we were walking from. I just remember the season. I just remember walking between them and feeling for the first time that I belonged somewhere

I just wish that God or my parents or Sam or my sister or someone would just tell me what's wrong with me. Just tell me how to be different in a way that makes sense. To make this all go away.

And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.

I love my mom. And this time, I told her I loved her. And she told me she loved me, too. And things were okay for a little while.

Everyone else is either asleep or having sex. I’ve been watching cable television and eating jello.

And I guess I realized at that moment that I really did love her. Because there was nothing to gain, and that didn't matter.