I walked over to the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying. Doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now, sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough, but it isn't.

Then, I turned around and walked to my room and closed my door and put my head under my pillow and let the quiet put things where they are supposed to be.

I was in the shopping mall because that's where I go lately. For the last couple of weeks, I've been going there every day, trying to figure out why people go there. It's kind of a personal project.

please believe that things are good with me, and even when they're not, they will be soon enough. And i will always believe the same about you.

I know that things get worse before they get better because that’s what my psychiatrist says, but this is a worse that feels too big.

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be.

I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for thousands of years. Or just not exist.