A real education takes place, not in the lecture hall or library, but in the rooms of friends, with earnest frolic and happy disputation.

I now accept that it is looking increasingly likely that Tiger Woods is, in fact, straight.

P. G. Wodehouse... used, when in town, to solve the problem of the long walk to the post-office by the simple expedient of tossing his letters out of his window: his belief that the average human, finding a stamped and addressed envelope on the pavement, would naturally pop it into the nearest pillar-box was never once, in decades, shown to be unfounded.

I don't watch television, I think it destroys the art of talking about oneself.

My life, at least, is divided between writing and performing and mixtures of the two.

A cut glass English accent can fool unsuspecting Americans into detecting a brilliance that isn't there

We humans are naturally disposed to worship gods and heroes, to build our pantheons and valhallas. I would rather see that impulse directed into the adoration of daft singers, thicko footballers and air-headed screen actors than into the veneration of dogmatic zealots, fanatical preachers, militant politicians and rabid cultural commentators.