God doesn't bribe, child. He just makes a sign and lets people take it as they will.

Laughter... is like a hurricane: once it reaches a certain point, it becomes self-feeding, self-supporting. You laugh not because the jokes are funny but because your own condition is funny.

I was being paid to do what I loved, and there's no gig on earth better than that; it's like a license to steal.

The best show on television is Red Sox baseball. Everything else sucks.

When all else fails, give up and go to the library.

Panic is highly contagious, especially in situations when nothing is known and everything is in flux.

The worst advice? 'Don't listen to the critics.' I think that you really ought to listen to the critics, because sometimes they're telling you something is broken that you can fix.