If you wrote something for which someone sent you a check, if you cashed the check and it didn't bounce, and if you then paid the light bill with the money, I consider you talented.

There had never been a shortage of fools in the world

Your job isn't to find these ideas but to recognize them when they show up.

I always felt that organized religion was just basically a theological insurance scam where they're saying if you spend time with us, guess what, you're going to live forever, you're going to go to some other plain where you're going to be so happy, you'll just be happy all the time, which is also kind of a scary idea to me.

A dimwit thinks nothing is funny unless it's mean.

Death was no less a miracle than birth.

I think part of being a parent is trying to kill your kids.