I was a bad dater, and up until 8th grade I went to an all boy's school. So, by the time I hit high school I was a bit freaked out by women in general.

Is there a God? If not, what are all these churches for? And who is Jesus' dad?

Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and I have a great one. 'Little Kid Lover.' That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.

There's plenty of room for all sorts of movies and all sorts of comedies, so I never saw that as a competitive thing. I think there's room in the marketplace for everything.

Some people just derive great joy from making other people laugh. And I do, but I don't feel like I need to do it 24 hours a day.

This year, more people will use cocaine than will read a book to their children.

I’m not good with pickup lines or flirting. I don’t have that kind of self-confidence or natural charisma.