Anything nice that's said about me is diametrically opposed to who I am.

I am both a night owl and an early bird. So I am wise and I have worms.

Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice ... strike three.

Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and I have a great one. 'Little Kid Lover.' That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.

I am always the type of person who is waiting for the other shoe to drop and for it to peter out and end. And if it does that's fine.

I love my wife dearly, and, therefore, I've never cooked a meal, romantic or otherwise, for her.

Everyone always wants new things. Everybody likes new inventions, new technology. People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me the choice is easy.