If I were an animal, I'd probably be a bald eagle, since I'm already bald and I love to fish. But I'd probably be a shaky-ass eagle because I'm afraid of flying.

If you pray about it don't worry about it. If you're going to worry about it don't pray about it.

We all think that this relationship thing is a game out here. All I'm saying to women is, "Okay. If it's a game, here are the rules that we play by".

I know how men think when they're not responding to questions in a clinical study.

I'm a comedian first. I've learned how to act. I just draw on life experiences and that's how I've learned. I didn't take classes or anything. I don't need no classroom.

I don't want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes. I want my life to mean something.

Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying. I just haven't met that guy yet. When you meet him, let's get him in to the Smithsonian - he's that special and rare.