My waist is a 30. The jeans are a 28. When I fart, the Reeboks blow off.

Communicating with the federal government is like talking to a computer that's crashing.

T.C.: Um, actually you just said "I live in a parking lot." You didn't mean to do that. Lori: You've never seen traffic on Concord Street at eight o'clock in the morning.

. . . it's not just the people we love, but the people we let love us back who show us how high we can really soar.

Just because you discover that you may like somebody after all, it doesn't necessarily mean there's any attraction.

The only thing I know about Moses is him coming down from the mountain with the commandments and saying 'The good news is I got him down to 10. The bad news is adultery is still in.

Falling hard for somebody makes you do things you never thought you'd do before. Like pulling off an A in History or finally facing the truth about yourself