My Nan had a plastic hip put in, but I thought she should have replaced it with a Slinky, 'cause if she fell down the stairs again.

A headline last year, after the death of Saddam Hussein, read: 'Tyrant is hanged'. My auntie looked at the newspaper and sobbed, 'Who's going to present "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"'

When you're told as a caddie we need to take a break, you're fired.

Getting the first win is very important. I think that takes a lot of pressure off going forward.

Just because you're a good caddie doesn't mean to say that you're the one that can put a player over the top. A good caddie doesn't necessarily help you've got to gel.

I think it's always when you go to caddie for another player, it's no different to when you start with a new player. The very most important thing is when you get the first opportunity to have a win is to try and show them that you know what you're doing. It's easier said than done.

The reality is that these cases are happening all the time. It's when they get out of control that you have a problem.