Every single guy that I've caddied, even guys that I've caddied for just here and there over the years has won tournaments. There's no one I've caddied for that hasn't won tournaments. So I guess when I caddie for someone, it's kind of a reassurance thing that Steve knows what it takes to get it done.

A headline last year, after the death of Saddam Hussein, read: 'Tyrant is hanged'. My auntie looked at the newspaper and sobbed, 'Who's going to present "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"'

When you're told as a caddie we need to take a break, you're fired.

The reality is that these cases are happening all the time. It's when they get out of control that you have a problem.

My Nan had a plastic hip put in, but I thought she should have replaced it with a Slinky, 'cause if she fell down the stairs again.

I was talking to my friend from New York yesterday, and I used the expression, 'You can't polish a turd'. He looked at me, disgusted, and said, 'No, you can't, but you can roll it in glitter'. He's a lovely guy but I wouldn't want to go to a craft fair with him

I think it's always when you go to caddie for another player, it's no different to when you start with a new player. The very most important thing is when you get the first opportunity to have a win is to try and show them that you know what you're doing. It's easier said than done.