A headline last year, after the death of Saddam Hussein, read: 'Tyrant is hanged'. My auntie looked at the newspaper and sobbed, 'Who's going to present "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"'

I was talking to my friend from New York yesterday, and I used the expression, 'You can't polish a turd'. He looked at me, disgusted, and said, 'No, you can't, but you can roll it in glitter'. He's a lovely guy but I wouldn't want to go to a craft fair with him

Just because you're a good caddie doesn't mean to say that you're the one that can put a player over the top. A good caddie doesn't necessarily help you've got to gel.

Getting the first win is very important. I think that takes a lot of pressure off going forward.

Every single guy that I've caddied, even guys that I've caddied for just here and there over the years has won tournaments. There's no one I've caddied for that hasn't won tournaments. So I guess when I caddie for someone, it's kind of a reassurance thing that Steve knows what it takes to get it done.

Under most circumstances that would result in disqualification. If the rules of golf are upheld, I believe he should have been disqualified.

If you want me to come and caddie for you full time, you've got to sit down and do some hard work and do some hard yards because that's what I expect.