When you're told as a caddie we need to take a break, you're fired.

If you want me to come and caddie for you full time, you've got to sit down and do some hard work and do some hard yards because that's what I expect.

My Nan had a plastic hip put in, but I thought she should have replaced it with a Slinky, 'cause if she fell down the stairs again.

Obviously I'm very confident, not only on the golf course, when I race. I've always backed myself. I'm a very confident sort of person.

A headline last year, after the death of Saddam Hussein, read: 'Tyrant is hanged'. My auntie looked at the newspaper and sobbed, 'Who's going to present "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?"'

I was talking to my friend from New York yesterday, and I used the expression, 'You can't polish a turd'. He looked at me, disgusted, and said, 'No, you can't, but you can roll it in glitter'. He's a lovely guy but I wouldn't want to go to a craft fair with him

Under most circumstances that would result in disqualification. If the rules of golf are upheld, I believe he should have been disqualified.