Train your staff (if you have any) to be always helpful, courteous, and knowledgeable. Most importantly, give every member of your staff enough information and power to make those small customer-pleasing decisions, so he never has to say, "I don't know, but so-and-so will be back at..."

Be helpful - even if there's no immediate profit in it.

Throw in something extra. Whether it's a coupon for a future discount, additional information on how to use the product, or a genuine smile, people love to get more than they thought they were getting. And don't think that a gesture has to be large to be effective.

Lower prices are not service; they're just lower prices.

Answer your phone. Get call forwarding. Or an answering service. Hire staff if you need to. But make sure that someone is picking up the phone when someone calls your business.

Deal with complaints. If you give the complaint your attention, you may be able to please this one person this one time - and position your business to reap the benefits of good customer service.

I am not sexually attracted to women. I would rather sleep with an ugly man than with a woman.