Viscosity and velocity are opposites, yet they can look the same. Viscosity causes the stillness of disinclination, velocity causes the stillness of fascination. An observer can't tell if a person is silent and still because inner life has stalled or because inner life is transfixingly busy.
Susanna KaysenThe debate was wearing me out. Once you've posed that question, it won't go away. I think many people kill themselves simply to stop the debate about whether they will or they won't. Anything I thought or did was immediately drawn into the debate. Made a stupid remark--why not kill myself? Missed the bus--better put an end to it all. Even the good got in there. I liked that movie--maybe I shouldn't kill myself.
Susanna KaysenDonโt ask me those questions! Donโt ask me what life means or how we know reality or why we have to suffer so much. Donโt talk about how nothing feels real, how everything is coated with gelatin and shining like oil in the sun. I donโt want to hear about the tiger in the corner or the Angel of Death or the phone calls from John the Baptist.
Susanna KaysenA successful suicide demands good organization and a cool head, both of which are usually incompatible with the suicidal state of mind.
Susanna KaysenTell me that you donโt take that blade and drag it across your skin and pray for the courage to press down.
Susanna Kaysen