He who drinks a tumbler of London water has literally in his stomach more animated beings than there are men, women, and children on the face of the globe.

No man can ever end with being superior who will not begin with being inferior.

The main question to a novel is -- did it amuse? were you surprised at dinner coming so soon? did you mistake eleven for ten? were you too late to dress? and did you sit up beyond the usual hour? If a novel produces these effects, it is good; if it does not -- story, language, love, scandal itself cannot save it. It is only meant to please; and it must do that or it does nothing.

When I hear any man talk of an unalterable law, the only effect it produces on me is to convince me that he is an unalterable fool

Resolve to make at least one person happy every day, and then in ten years you may have made three thousand, six hundred and fifty persons happy, or brightened a small town by your contribution to the fund of general enjoyment.

The longer I live, the more I am convinced that the apothecary is of more importance than Seneca; and that half the unhappiness in the world proceeds from little stoppages; from a duct choked up, from food pressing in the wrong place, from a vexed duodenum, or an agitated pylorus.

What two ideas are more inseparable than beer and Britannia?