As I lay on my back in bed staring up at the blank, white ceiling the stillness seemed to grow bigger and bigger until I felt my eardrums would burst with it.

I deserve that, don't I, some sort of blazing love that I can live with.

Well, I know now. I know a little more how much a simple thing like a snowfall can mean to a person

I am terrified by this dark thing that sleeps in me.

Spiderlike, I spin mirrors, Loyal to my image.

I know the bottom, she says. I know it with my great tap root: It is what you fear. I do not fear it: I have been there.

I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am.