I desire the things that will destroy me in the end.

…* to learn that money makes life smooth in some ways, and to feel how tight and threadbare life is if you have too little. * to despise money, which is a farce, mere paper, and to hate what you have to do for it, and yet to long to have it in order to be free from slaving for it. * to yearn toward art, music, ballet and good books, and get them only in tantalizing snatches.

In spite of everything, I still have my good old sense of humor.

Perhaps, perhaps this would be the one to pull me out of my plunge.

To learn and think; to think and live; to live and learn: this always, with new insight, new understanding, and new love.

I must say what I admire most is the person who masters an area of practical experience, and can teach me something. I mean, my local midwife has taught me how to keep bees. Well, she can't understand anything I write. And I find myself liking her, may I say, more than most poets. And among my friends I find people who know all about boats or know all about certain sports, or how to cut somebody open and remove an organ. I'm fascinated by this mastery of the practical.

The slime of all my yesterdays rots in the hollow of my skull.