When I'm attached, I find that I don't see the other person as clearly because I'm more caught up in what I'm wanting.

Stories about ourselves and about the world continually arise in our minds and shape our beliefs about reality.

No matter what feeling comes up - numbness, irritability, shame - if I let it arise and play itself through, I naturally open into wakefulness and care.

When you are in touch with your body and heart, it allows you to then be in the world and act with intention and clarity and kindness.

In bullfighting there is an interesting parallel to the pause as a place of refuge and renewal. It is believed that in the midst of a fight, a bull can find his own particular area of safety in the arena. There he can reclaim his strength and power. This place and inner state are called his querencia. As long as the bull remains enraged and reactive, the matador is in charge. Yet when he finds his querencia, he gathers his strength and loses his fear. From the matador's perspective, at this point the bull is truly dangerous, for he has tapped into his power.

We can find true refuge within our own hearts and minds-right here, right now, in the midst of our moment-to-momen t lives.

If [kids] get into loving relationships, they're afraid they'll be found wanting, won't have the looks or body shape our culture deems worthy. Many of us feel we're falling short and if we start feeling close to another person, that we'll be found out and rejected.